I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
