It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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