You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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