don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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