I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
