I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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