I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
