i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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