lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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