when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
