i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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