How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
