conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
