Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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