we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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