Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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