Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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