is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I need a beard to bite.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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