Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
