told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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