the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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