similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
