The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
