He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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