Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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