Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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