remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
