I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
and she was petting her beer can
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
