i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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