Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
