Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
