I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
