After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
