Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
