um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
