She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
