I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
