Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
