I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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