wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
