my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
