Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
