Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize