I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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