maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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