I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
