I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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