zippers are such a cool invention
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this will be a night to untag.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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