The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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