i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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