you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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