North Korea, Best Korea!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
