I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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