a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize