so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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