yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
