just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They have beer where we have blood.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
