I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
