Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
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Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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