dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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