I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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