I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
