It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
