And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
