Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
