Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
