All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
