She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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