What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
