he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
