Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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