He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
